Essence of boredom ! stupefying Theme ! Whereon with eloquence less deep than full, Still maundering on in slow continuous stream, All can expatiate, and all be dull : Bane of the mind and topic of debate That drugs the reader to a restless doze, Thou that with soul-annihilating weight Crushest the Bard, and hypnotisest those Who plod the placid path of plain pedestrian Prose : Lo ! when each morn I carefully peruse (Seeking some subject for my painful pen) The Times, the Standard, and the Daily News, No other topic floats into my ken Save this alone : or Dr. Clifford slates Dogmas in general : or the dreadful ban Of furious Bishops excommunicates Such simple creeds as Birrell, hopeful man ! Thinks may perhaps appease th' unwilling Anglican. Lo ! at Society's convivial board (Whereat I do occasionally sit, In hope to bear within my memory stored Some echo thence of someone else's wit), Or e'er the soup hath yielded to the fish, A heavy dulness doth the banquet freeze : Lucullus' self would shun th' untasted dish When lovely woman whispers, "Tell me, please, What are Denominational Facilities ? "