Wipe Out - The Coronavirus Crisis, #1

There was panic. There was mayhem. There was... no... damn.... toilet paper. Meet Wyatt. Wyatt isn't the sharpest tool in the shed or even a moderately capable rusty knife. No, Wyatt is about as blunt as a ball bearing. But when his family runs out of toilet paper during the dreaded Coronavirus Crisis Lockdown, he has no choice. He must save his family from certain arse-roughery and discomfort!  His father trusts him.
After all he said he was the, "Most expend... EXPERIENCED."  He would make his parents and younger sister and brother proud.  Will Wyatt find the white gold roll he seeks? Join Wyatt on his tale of challenge, adventure, love, intrigue and utter ridiculousness. **Disclaimer: This story is INSPIRED by real events ;) butt (spelling mistake intentional) is wholly fictional. It does not refer to Covid-19, rather, a totally fictitious and unrelated Coronavirus outbreak.
Covid-19 is serious and measures recommended by medical professionals, the World Health Organisation, and your government should be adhered to. Butt, toilet paper hoarding? Really? Might as well have a laugh while you are trapped inside! Laughter is the best medicine, they say.** The other disclaimer: Wyatt's family are Aussies. They are NOT representative of all Australians. We ain't all dickheads - LOL.
A glossary of Australian slang has been provided for the convenience of the classy and well-read such as yourself. *WINK* See what I did there?