The Hand Puppet

Once certain things are seen, they can't be unseen. He felt his old life disappearing, like dirty bathwater swirling down the drain into the stygian depths of hell. He saw a new life, alien, obsessed, and diseased, with bulging eyes and a slobbering maw, crawl out of the drain to take its place. He became very, very frightened. Sex was meant to be a celebration of pleasure, not a descent into suffering.
Like most boys in the early 1960s, Sam learns about sex from locker room talk, pornography, and experimentation. But unlike his friends, Sam's path deviates toward an inexplicable, powerful attraction to sadomasochism. His attempts to cope with his dark desires result in frustration, despair, and the terrifying belief that he's mentally ill. As Sam grows into adulthood, he struggles to maintain a veneer of decency and stability while trying to resolve the paradox of his libido.
Now dealing with a pornography addiction, a secret career as an erotic artist, and two frightening encounters with professional dominatrices, he is plagued by an enigmatic inner voice as he discovers his sexuality is more than what it seems. Through a series of surprisingly difficult, often confusing, and exceedingly painful ordeals, Sam discovers the answers he's been seeking can be found in the unlikeliest of places.