The Crap Secret Santa Gift Book

A budget-friendly Secret Santa present for fans of How to Poo at Work and Very British Problems featuring advice on how to survive the office christmas party, silly games to play in meetings and, on one page, a picture of a really evil swan. Perfect for that bloke in marketing whose name you've forgotten. Dear _____, Look, I never signed up to this 'Secret Santa' crap. If I had it my way we'd spend the money on a paddling pool and fill it with gin, or a pool table or something.
And I'm sure you're great, but in all honesty I'm not really sure who you are. That's why I pretended to be on my phone in the lift the other day. Anyway, seeing as it's compulsory, I decided to get you this very expensive and interesting book, featuring such things as: Tips on how to survive the office partyStupid games to play in meetingsExamples of things I could have got you instead of this bookA picture of a swanLet's face it, you're only going to leave this behind in the pub or give it to your weird nephew you're secretly terrified of, so stop complaining.
Oh, and Merry Christmas. Yours, 'Secret Santa'