Pioneers and Unifiers

David became inebriated; he became quite inebriated. Stoned, high, under the influence, and tipsy. For no intelligent reason really. Dressed like a pirate without a Solbuck in his pocket, he strolled into the only Pioneers office on New Earth. It seemed an okayish idea to join them since there was little else for young David to do on the most boring planet of the Milky Way. 'Whatever, David!' the Pioneers said to him.
Little did he know that the Pioneers would be sent on a suicide mission to the distant past of a parallel Earth. He'll get to alter the history of that planet and fight high-dimensional beings in the process. Plus, he'll get a complete makeover.